BREAK ME!!!!!!

I have been realizing recently that so many people, myself included, get in moments where they feel like something is missing in their walk... everything seems fine, no obvious sin, you're doing fire times, prayer, helping in ministry, you know everything you're supposed to. So you come to that fork in the road with 2 obvious paths... 1. Get frustrated  and mad thinking you're doing EVERYTHING and God should be talking to you. Or 2. You cry out to God, BREAK ME GOD, BREAK ME. SHOW ME WHAT IT IS YOU WANT ME TO DO I WILL DO IT!!!! 

A week or so ago we did this prayer week called 24.7 prayer, where among our weekly schedule we would spend a hour a day in a designated prayer room which was set up all fancy like! So going into it I wasn't so much wanting to hear from God and have Him tell me anything in particular, but I instead wanted to focus more on knowing Him... Which i think is also overlooked a lot these days. But i will say i started off the week with path 2. Break me, show me who you are, give me your heart/mind, all the fancy wordage, but i was thrown off my first day in the room i felt awkward praying... I could say the cool wordy things, and pray like i always have, but i felt this disconnect, and it confused me because here i am coming into this week to learn about God but immediately i felt away from Him. So after a day or so i turned to path 1. I got so frustrated wanting to hear from God but not, wanting to know Him but not, wanting to feel Him but not, that i got mad. Ignorance. I felt like in the midst of God moving all around i was just standing there watching it happen. 

After i cooled down and was humbled in various ways i realized a few things... Both paths are flawed... 1. because if we are not hearing/feeling/knowing God it is our fault... God is never at fault or wrong, because He's God. Also He has given us everything we need for all of these things to be fulfilled. Prayer, worship, the Bible, church. All of these are things to draw us closer to God, but when it comes down to it you will only get as close as you want or are willing to sacrifice... 2. although praying break me break me i think is okay in some instances i  also think that we have made that term into a pretty fluffy term insinuating that it is easy. It's not God breaking you involves Him ripping all of the things that are not of Him to the front and forcing you to do something with it. It's making you die to yourself and realize that no matter what you want or love if it is not of God or serving a purpose in getting closer to Him it is taking you farther from Him. It's not easy. a fairy tale. a pretty transformation. It's a painful, hard, humbling process. 

Another thing i realized was there is a not so obvious path... for me at least. Path 3 is realizing that whether God talks to you audibly or through the word or all the time or not at all HE IS GOD. That regardless of circumstances He is still with you, leading and doing things in your maybe not even aware of. Seeing that pressing into God is not simply saying God break me but actually be willing for Him to. It's being willing to say and truly mean it when you tell Him you would give up anything and go anywhere for Him and His people. God blesses those who wait upon Him, i was waiting being patient but not enough. I was doing it to know God and have cool revelations of Him not because i wanted learn about the one and only thing that matters in this world. Not because i truly wanted more of Him, i wanted a experience. 

I also realized that it doesn't have to be all cookie cutter prayers with God, that i don't have to be scared to voice my heart/thoughts/feelings because he knows them anyway. I can go to Him and be like this is bugging me, i'm mad at this, i don't feel like worshiping. How naive am i to expect to have a good relationship and know God when i talk to Him as a acquaintance, like i am scared that He wont like the real me... I would venture to say that he doesn't like the me i portray... I can see Jesus chillin and when i go to pray, Him crying out and just grieved by the fact that i'm embarrassed of the real me, that i do struggle. Then He comes by my side puts His arm around me and helps me to realize all the things i am in Him... That he loves the me i was created to be. We need to be a people who are honestly after God and His people!

On a separate note, I just found out and had my first meeting for spring break missions. As IMT's we are sent on these trips as leaders for the Victory High school kids. I am going on a one week trip with the 10th and 11th graders to Mexicali... which apparently is a real place in mexico right on the other side of the border. We already have the nickname Stack Attack because of how stacked with awesome leaders we are!!!! It is going to be AMAZING and i cant wait! We are flying to San Diego first then driving to Mexico. With this trip involving flight, i will have a cost above what is provided by the IMT program. I have to come up with $590 by about mid march... This is something i would love if you could come alongside me in prayer for the funds, and if you would like to support me in any way it would be greatly appreciated. If so feel free to contact me on here with my info below! I love you guys, thanks for reading!

 

-Chris Kavounis

ckavounis@gmail.com

if you would like my number or address send me a email and i would love to give you it!