These last 3 months have been very up and down. It all started with Thanksgiving break, Before that point everything was going well was having reasonably no trouble motivating myself to get up for fire time and just being motivated for anything. Break was awesome and relaxing but it consisted or horrible sleeping habits and a whole bunch of avoiding God. I let laziness take over. So coming back from break the attitude passed over to all the way to and through Christmas break.
I let myself fall back into some things i had not struggled with since being in Tulsa, but through being demoralized i realized a lot. Things like my attitude needs to change... i thought i was doing this stuff because i wanted to but by the lack of effort i put into spending time with God this would indicate that i was more doing it because i had to... But before i came back i decided i was going to do everything i could to get closer to God and create a pattern and attitude of putting God top on my priorities. Because if at the end of the year i am in the same place i was before i left i will have wasted my time.
This week we are doing 24/7 prayer, it is where we set up a prayer room and there is a signup sheet that designated hour blocks that you are praying daily either alone or with others. The 2nd years blacked out the room with construction paper. and put in black lights, glow in the dark markers, paint, beads, and a bunch of cool stuff to set the mood/ be able to write on the wall things God had been speaking to you. I came into it with the mindset that i was going to hear from God and learn how to hear him better... Well after a few days of that i got frustrated, because i wasn't getting the results i wanted. So after a few circumstances that humbled me, and opened my eyes to the fact that i need to enjoy God. Through some talks with nick, tiffany and my Team Leader Aaron i heard some really good things, and saw a few things that i hadn't realized i was doing. Essentially i was going to God with a front that everything was okay, and i was scared to tell Him how i really felt. Well i more so thought i was being selfish by going to God saying, "hey im struggling with XYZ and i dont like this and i need your help here." But since than i have been working on this and im realizing how irrational my thought process was because how in the world am i supposed to build a friendship with God if i am scared to open up. I need to not just pray for Him to Break me but actually be willing for Him to do it! Novel concept i know... So regardless of if i am hearing from God, or not, or im going through struggles or not, He is still God and i will worship Him.
More to come soon peace!
-Chris
4 comments:
you are beautiful. well said
wow chris, i'm excited for what GOd ID doing in you and what He is GOING to do in you! i love you and am praying faithfully for you. "mama" wendy
ooops, IS not ID! :)
“He who interrupts the course of his spiritual exercises and prayer is like a man who allows a bird to escape from his hand; he can hardly catch it again.”
St. John of the Cross
Man I know it can be hard to get back diving headfirst into your spiritual journey after allowing a lethergy to take over and hiding your soul and heart from God. Vulnerability is the best medicine man. Hosea 6:3 Know the lord let us press on to know Him and as surely as the sun rises he will come. He will come to us like a winter rain like a spring rain that waters the earth. Keep fighting man. Catch the bird.
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